With my self-imposed injunction on caring what certain other people think, I’ve become a flirt monster.
My flirting comes and goes, and generally, I flirt with people I shouldn’t be flirting with. Por ejemplo, I flirt with my best friend’s girlfriend way too often. Does it make me an asshole? I can’t tell. As long as she knows I’m joking.
But I don’t like to say I’m joking.
So these other girls that I flirt with. The flirting stays subtle, until a few minutes later I realize that we’ve gotten physically a little bit closer, and we’re talking in a different tone. Some of these girls have boyfriends, and I try to curb the way I nudge them, and inflate their ego, etc. Why can’t I flirt with single girls?
Something inside prevents me from being that guy who boyfriends would murder, and I guess I’m thankful for that, I want to live. I want to catch up, socially. Even if that means going backwards in intellectual maturity. I want stories to share, have more people to know intimately instead of those plain, did you do the Physics HW relationships. For lack of a less effeminate phrase, I want passion.
I have to break out of the shell all of the way.